I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
