how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize