Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
