so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
