The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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