so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
