Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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