Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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