wanna go halves on a baby?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
