you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
