I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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