GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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