Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Let's paint friendship bongs
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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