It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
