she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
