I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
