Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
