I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
