he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
