Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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