I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
