Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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