it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
