Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
