It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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