there was a trapeze. enough said
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
