You kept calling me your small dog last night.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
