u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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