my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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