Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
