you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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