stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
