I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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