moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
