his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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