about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
