I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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