big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
