it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
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