Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
