our cab driver is having phone sex.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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