but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
