maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
