we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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