Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
