just come out here and I will go home with you...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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