There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
