I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
