your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
