Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
