dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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