he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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