Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
