I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
