She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
