Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
