nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
