The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
