I think I won the penis lottery.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
