he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
