I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
