Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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