i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
