Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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