I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Quick, to the slutcave!
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
