worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize