On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
