i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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