Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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