i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
