38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
