i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
