Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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