I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
