things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
