I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
