my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
