Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
