Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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