I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
