Soap is not a condiment
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
