The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
