There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
