WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize