roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
