3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
handjob tips. give me some.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
