Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize