between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
