trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
