he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
