Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
