I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
