I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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