a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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